the art of folding paper, one of the best ideas ever conceived by man. who would think one can get such a sense of calm and contentment with such a simple an activity. its amazing how a flat piece of paper can be turned, not only into a shape but also into a multi-dimensional surface, where a sheet could be packed so efficiently and tightly into a tenth of its size. and with each folding of the paper numerous thoughts unravel, and with the smoothing of creases comes a feeling of peace and gladness... unfortunately the prolonged weekend mania with this momentary peace and satisfaction leaves a digusting mess all over the floor and everywhere in the room. such a disgusting mess... but its where i'd rather be, locked in my room, with all the paper i could find and all my books, safe. locked in here, safe.. away from the atrocious evil monsters who lurk out there.. and the world also safe from me...


"music hath the charms to soothe a savage beast..."


and the little butterfly-winged pixies, perched on their sparkly flowers that grow in the empyrean, they whisper, goad and tease... "yes you deserved it.... because you are a stupid fool.. you deserved it.... and you will never find what you are looking for..."

the most comfortable place ever, is here in between these two solid walls. here in my own little space, the darkness giving its peace to the solitude. and the cold and solid feel of the smooth concrete on my naked skin and wet cheek, in this silence and stillness... it feels so good so soothing.... i feel so exhausted, so drained...

winceing fool, so stupid a fucking idiot... and this unfathomable void....

most believe its the ghosts of the past that are scary. but whats really terrifying are the ghosts of the present. and its not the monsters in front of you, or the one a million miles away who could inflict so much pain. the dreadful is that little monster living in your head.

la tristesse dureras toujours....