if i were a boy...

.... just tired of listening to people make promises you know they'll only break.... -_-

....

sitting in my small sanctuary, watching the door and wondering when i would find orion walking in. but only through the small cracks and slits can i breathe the small glimmer of light in the grayness of this space. until the day it finally opens again, to reveal me smiling and dancing and laughing, as i did when i was a kid, while running to meet the waves crashing on the shore, the moment whenever we first arrive at a beach....

......

Monday morning, hesitate
I can’t get out of bed
I’d rather go back to the dreams
I’m living in my head...

Tuesday evening, pack my bags
I’m heading out the door
I left a box of memories
lying on the floor....

(parts of) this song i love so much....

well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
We're just one big family
And it's your God-forsaken right to be loved
love love love...

No I won't hesitate no more,
No more it cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate... ^_^




mou'xeis toso lipsi mou glika.... -_-

the one (I need)...

Came across Pachebel on my ipod and I realized with a shock, that it’s already been a year since one of the most horrid episodes of my life (I learned to really appreciate the song that time, it got me through that really hard and painful period)... haven’t listened to that song in a long time, and I started thinking about how much things have changed since then... and I’m glad how things have changed a lot, and its all better now. I think I’m going to be okay... mostly sorted, as is the feeling when you come to the point that you realize the formula that could give you the solution to the question you’ve been seeking for the longest time...

Like an idea, that’s always lingered at the back of your head about what you’ve always wanted, and then one day you find it unexpectedly when you thought you wanted something else, and you were looking for that something else... like it was just standing there all this time waiting, and then the moment you see it and touch it you knew, that it was what you’ve been needing and always wanted, and there wouldn’t be anything else/more you’d want, because with it you can hold the whole world in your hand..... I love my Titan =]

But no great joy can be without great pain, as in knowing that when you do get what you’ve always ever wanted, so do you now really have something to lose because you know it’ll hurt for sure.. and a lot... so you struggle, with tormenting paranoia, only to end up apathetic and indifferently taking for granted that which you valued so highly... but what we have to realize, as I’ve learned while watching the Pyrolympic fireworks at mou gGika’s balcony, is that life happens when you’re not looking. You can plan and schedule all you want, but the highlights actually happen when you’ve run out of batteries or hd space, only to save and hold in memory and in your heart the essential things.. these are the things you cannot hold or keep forever even if you wanted to.... *sigh* I love my Titan, mou kavla... ^_^

Baler, aurora on daddy’s bday…

For daddy’s bday, he took us to the place that he and mom have been going to on their road trips together. Baler, aurora was about 3 hours from our place in the province, an hour of which you’d spend offroad (and I mean really ROUGH offroad terrain) on the sierra madre mountain range. But it was all worth it, as places like these that are really hard to get to tend to be kept safe from the tourists and are left undaunted and still pretty much pristine after all this time. This place, dad said was his favourite, now more than pagudpud, for all the rainforest that still remained on the mountains and islands of aurora...



Accommodations though weren’t as great, given the amount of people that were able to go there, but the place was spectacular. The day that we went there was a low tide, and you could walk all the way far out to this little rock island about a mile away from the shore. First thing I wanted to do when we got there was of course to venture out to that rock, but dad wanted to hang out and I had a bit of a hard time trying to shake him off so that I could find my own quiet space to think. Felt kinda guilty, coz I know he just wanted to spend time with us (we barely ever see each other anymore, much more talk), so I hung around a bit and took pictures while dad found his little ‘spa’ place and drank beer. Eventually mom followed out to the rock and I was able to leave them together and find my own quiet nook at the other side of the rock to be able to have a smoke and a burn, then stare out into the horizon and watch the sea and the sky, and contemplate just how big this world really is... I still feel that this earth to be a small place/world, but I guess its because I haven’t been to much places or countries as Glika has, who’s told me that this world is actually a very big place....



The next day we went boating and island hopping, dad showed us the PAGASA weather station he and mom went hiking to, and then we checked out this island with a waterfall that fell straight to the sea, and also Angara’s beach resort. The place was totally amazing, and we were even able to see a free-flying Philippine eagle that was soaring at the edge of this cliff. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time for me and Kai to be able to surf, but dad did drive us to the spot so we could check out the area and the waves. We’re planning to go back, and hopefully next time be able to ride the waves...



I’m glad we went there to celebrate daddy’s birthday. I realized, despite my reclusive self, that I really had a fun time with the parental units and Kai. And also that, the world could never be too big or too small a place, as long as you have the people you love. =]

Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.

"in pursuing, sometimes the pursuit comes to mean much more than the pursuit itself..."

hmmm, i guess after the long wait and all the built up excitement, i should write something abt it.... but i'm still pretty happy, that i'm good with just sitting here and smiling abt it =] ..... (despite the really nasty fallout when the dendrites slowly died)..... sometimes i wonder if alice felt the same thing when she fell into the rabbit hole and landed on wonderland, like i did then....

2 years... 2 years is such a long wait, and specially when it gets harder when you're just about nearly getting there and you've found more reason and motivation to be there (a mission, to find the harvard again), and at the same time it looked more and more that you might not actually be able to get there, and you're was starting to think abt what getting there actually means, if it would really matter that much whether you were ever able to get there... but sometimes when you think things are falling apart, they're actually just slowly falling into place.....

and it was great ^_^ thanks so much to anakin for the tix, and sis bevs for the candies, and maldita for the outfit and david's prestige at podium for the hair, and lucy for the color =} .... yup, twas a blast, and even if i knew it could have been better, i love tiesto, tiesto rocks ^_^ was up and dancing all through the morning till dawn, in a haze of lights and pulses and beats. and then after, found myself up high having a smoke and a burn, watching the bay and the sunrise over roxas. twas a spectacular view, altho pretty painful to the eyes after partying all night. spent the rest of the day in the capt's cabin, buried in cozy sheets and really soft pillows, alternately staring at the white ceiling and watching cable, wondering when the sandman would come to take me, but the synapses were already burning.... and then, after exaclty when the moon has made it's whole round, i snuck away into the morning, racing with the sunrise back to reality....

well, i didnt find what i was initially looking for, but i found something.... dont really know what to make of it, still poking arnd and abt to shake the box to see if i should put it down and run away. hehe.... but i know that i'm glad i'm just finally good now, still walking to find and get to the path i wanted to go, balance, peace, and yoga, goals, choices, decisions, and palm pda.......

i guess in a journey, sometimes what comes to mean more than just arriving at your destination, is that you continue to walk on to the path that you've found, on the way getting there......

love dont live here no more...

love dont live here no more.....
moved on, moved to multiply....
you'll only find it if you know where to look...
you'll also find the bora album and tons of my other pics there =]

been out, been everywhere. in search of balance, in search of peace.... and then i found orion on the beach.....

and since then i've been learning to live life good, and trying to live a good life... why, i guess, its been such a long while. just opted to live life more than just writing abt it.

but anyways, i've started to feel shame for the good thoughts left to fade and forget, so i decided to finally join everybody else in this nifty place called multiply....

been watching the clock for too long, only to suddenly realize that april's already finally here and there's only a few more grains of sand to fall till i set out to find whether i could touch the stars again, my chances of which, is 1 in 10,000.... but hell, i'll be there anyways. to celebrate life, and maybe, just maybe i can have the same odds as when we bumped at the tides, and i found a real wishin star =]

odds like the number of galaxies in the universe, but you'll only find it if you know where to look.... not that hard really, its just right in front of you.....

do you remember the first time you heard a sound, a sound that made you dance so hard your feet barely touched the ground. a sound that you could appreciate, with consciousness elevated, leaving you desperate to anticipate..... the sound......

i freakin love tiesto, yaaaay!!!! ^_^