.... and as this era comes to an end, we ponder on things that were, as we usually do once coming to a closing.... and i've realized that i've pondered a lot about things that were, but really not enough of things that will or could be....

... i could be and do so many things, i could be so much more... i just have to stand up and move on to the new year. we all should, just stand up and get moving, and do things, do much more. and then all our lives would get better, and the world would be better...... we just have to stand up and get out and do, and all it takes is just one step....

staring at my feet right now, trying to get over how much it hurts. just trying to take that step... i will.. i just need some time....

irreplaceable...

everything you own in a box to the left.... to the furthest back of my closet, where the sun doesnt shine. to be left for the dust to settle, and eventually be covered into forgetfulness..... i cannot erase you, and i doubt if i could forget you. but when the time comes i will move on and find the one to replace you....

so just pull the trigger...

the dragon once told me, that love is like handing someone a loaded gun.... i believe him, this i know is the truth....

it is only a matter of time before someone ends up pulling the trigger, and then somebody gets hurt... realizing all that does not really matter anymore, not the sorrys or the "i didnt mean to hurt you". nothing really matters anymore, it is too late. because all the laughter and all the life is already slowly flowing out of the empty hole that was left, while laying paralyzed on the cold hard floor. begging desperately for nothing but the pain to stop, if only to breathe, but even just to take a breath of life tormentingly hurts anyway. lying in this small dark cabin, staring at the door wondering and hoping for the time to come when to be able to stand, and walk out into the light of the sun again...

a game of chance as such it were, with the perfectly fabulous gun you chose and loaded yourself.. for someone else to shoot you with anyway..... and you just had to come back, to make sure everything was taken care of, good and done...




... i'm sorry, you are dead to me now, my glyka.. as i left you cold and lifeless on the carpet floor of your place. just had to give you one last kiss and one last hug, then closed the door behind me, turned around and walked down the corridor, down the elevator, through the lobby and concierge, to the valet parking lot, and drove out of sofitel, out of your life forever....