sorry that i have to cut u short now before u cld even start, but u r uninvited to this party. the world is too full of all us wishful thinkers and hollowed hearts already, there's no need for another one...



i'm thankful for them all-time favorite movies, i will always have the flowers....

time is so capricious, so fickle, and so abstrusely abysimal... on a discussion last week with a friend i was told that 2mos is a long time, and i said no it wasnt. then thinking abt it again later, i realized yes its right 2mos does seem to be a long time. looking back now, to those days in may when i had the sun and the unbearably warm light on my skin, it feels like those days were so far away now in the past, and before was so so many years ago already. it is so so far away now.. but its only been 2mos, its not been so long really. me and my distorted sense of time.... its got me thinking and wondering, if i will ever get to accomplish my dreams (not all but at least some of my great dreams), do i have enough time? it feels like the ridiculous days just go on and on forever in a neverending loop of stupidity. but then maybe, its not really gonna be so much time after all...

but anyways i'm glad, now and until the end of these ridiculous and stupid days, that i have the few great people in my life that i cld share these days with and have to be there with me while i laugh at this joke of an existence. these people who could so fantastically surprise me, with things like when i start to talk abt how much i'm into this aria by villa-lobos now, and she knows exactly what it is that i'm talking abt and even be able to correct me abt something. these people who never know how much they mean to me... and how dare you mrs leonard, how dare you use pachelbel's song in your book and just place it in passing. how dare you, its such a great song and i believe it deserves more than that. but thank you anyways for reminding me of how much i need this song right now. and anybody who says its otherwisely awesome does not have any taste or class, and i will beat them to shit until they like it and revere it.... because it IS a great song, that tells us without words, that the beauty in this pathetic existence is that even in the bleakly resounding sadness light could still shine on man's sullen soul...


... and in time when you look back, you'll see the good and the bad mix in a spectrum of shades that is life... and it is splendid....