Ataraxia 190925..

The quiet room.....

The thing is, i realize now, you can talk about some things, and maybe, it'll get better... Like addiction and alcoholism, and depression, and wanting to kill yourself.... Just talking about it makes you feel better.... And maybe you WILL get better...

But there are some things... No matter how much you talk about it, how many times you've retold it hoping they'd understand... Its never going to be changed, and its never going away.... You can try, but every time, it just hurts, and... Well no one ever really wants to hear about it.. Not THAT sob story.....

Its never going to be ok....

And that fucking look on their faces just always sucks ... Even if you dont look them in the eyes, you can feel it ... The fear... The pity and sadness... Then also sometimes the disgust...

"we dont talk about it, we dont tell people.... "



And you'll never forget it either.... You cant ever really forget..... And you can try to drink, to try to forget it, and it would work at first, until you start needing more and more, just to forget... And sometimes, if you just drink enough, and if you push too far and dig too deep, past all the other pain and booze you've tried to bury it with, right through to behind your consciousness, you'll end up hitting it again... And realize you're still just in a waking nightmare...

Still...



And that you're really just all alone....



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Why are you drinking? - the little prince asked.

- In order to forget - replied the drunkard.



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